New Diet

Hunger pangs were attacking me full force by the time I left the office. I was taking a late break in order to avoid the lunch rush at the post office. Hubs and I had been traveling and I needed to pick up our held mail. It seemed like a clever strategy until I saw the parking lot. I was eventually able to find a parking spot and took my place at the end of the line.

As I began to ease myself into the zombie-like mindset that’s required for survival in such situations, my eyes took in my surroundings. Three clerks were each busy attending to customers at the counter. Another dozen assorted bodies stood in a zigzag fashion, each silently waiting for their chance to advance three feet.

Miraculously, I caught the eye of a roaming clerk who had spotted the pickup tag in my hand. This allowed me to subvert the line, pick up my mail, and stop off at home before rushing back to work. I just needed to drop off my loot and grab some food to take with me back to work. I was starving.

I unlocked the deadbolt and stepped over the threshold just in time to hear an ominous sound. My gaze traveled down the hall, abruptly stopping at a closed door. The office was back there. Also the dog bed. This was not a good sign. The only reason that door would be closed is if Charlie had rolled in a pile of poop at the park again and his dog-walker was trying to contain the mess.

I tossed the pile of junk mail on the couch as I flew through the living room and down the hall to find out the extent of the catastrophe. Charlie stood in front of the recently installed back door contemplating his work. Rays of sunlight shone through the pretty frosted glass, enhancing the shine on the pile of vomit. I tried not to breathe while I opened the door and sent him outside. At first he wouldn’t go, reluctant to pass over the puddle he had created, but he finally  relented.

Next, I dashed to the kitchen for cleaning supplies and then returned to confront the powerful odor of the slimy mess. I cleaned and mopped and then used special biological odor foam to kill anything I had missed. Charlie’s bath would have to wait until later; I needed to get back to work.

Pulling into my parking spot, I realized I wasn’t the least bit hungry anymore.